The 2 Devils: Boredom and Dilemma

The 2 devils - boredom and dilemma keep hitting me time and again. These are the two enemies I have always found difficult to tackle. Each time I fight them, they return in a new Avtar. But the devils are a part of me, they are in me, and they keep resurfacing every now and then. They need to be tackled by me too, no one can help me fight. This in fact is the third post(or 4 in all) on this blog that concerns dilemma!

Although at the moment, I have no important decisions to make, I am still hit by dilemma - of whether my decision was correct. The questions is deciding whether my decision was correct, because I still have the option of reverting my decision. But this exercise of looking back and weighing a decision that has already been made and is not so easy to revert, might be futile. This is because I have no idea whether my decision is the best or not, and what's more, I will never know. The only thing I know, and have known that its a good decision and if I stick to it, nothing in my control will stop it from being a good decision. Its the pursuit of the 'best' decision, not just a 'good enough' decision that's eating me up.


However, every now and then I keep even forgetting why I had decided the decision was 'good enough' in the first place. It would have been a good idea to write down all my real reasons at one place, so that I could be more confident later. All I recall now is that somehow, I arrived at the answer that it's good enough, but not how.


One thing is for sure - as long as I dwell on the past, and keep mulling over whether I am going right, my mind will not concentrate on the way forward and plan for it. I must trust past me to have made a good decision for future me and, with full faith, like that of me in my best friends, I must look only at the path ahead. In fact, as long as my decision has some merits, the only thing that can decide whether the decision was good is how well I actually executed it. Making the decision was just the beginning of this great venture. At this point, its not so much about taking the right decision, rather its about making this decision right. And at this point, I must recall my second post on this blog - these lines by Harivanshraiji Bachchan that always keep coming to me:

अलग अलग पथ बतलाते सब,

पर मैं यह बतलाता हूँ -

राह पकड़ तू एक चला चल 

पा जाएगा मधुशाला

I have to look forward and plan. I must look back too, but not with contempt for what past me has already done, but with appreciation and cleverness. Appreciation for what I did right, so as to remember to keep doing it. And shrewdness to learn from the mistakes of past me.